I believe. Mostly.
The bible is full of paradoxes.
When you are weak, you are strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
To live you must die. (Matthew 16:25)
The last will be first. (Matthew 20:16)
Freedom comes through servanthood. (Romans 6:22)
There are many others.
One paradox that has always resonated with me was spoken by a man in the gospel of Mark, chapter 9.
It’s kind of a spiritual or faith paradox and it used to bother me. Now I love it.
The man, trying to work up the faith for Jesus to heal his son, says, “I believe; help my unbelief!”
I feel like I kinda live there, these days.
I have come to terms that faith and doubt can coexist.
What I love is the honesty of this man. He’s saying, in effect, “I believe you can, but I’m not certain you will.”
He felt this way while standing in front of Jesus himself!
I resonate with honest, imperfect faith — the kind that admits its weakness while still reaching toward God. I don’t like fake faith.
There are negative slogans for some of that: Name and claim it. Blab it and grab it.
When asked how they are doing, I’ve met some people will say, “Blessed and highly favored!”
Well, yes, you are. And I get the positive talk and positive thinking, but when I ask somebody how they’re doing, I’m not looking for something off a Christian T-Shirt. I’d like to know how you are really doing, so maybe I can help you and pray for you.
You can be blessed and highly favored and also being battling depression. I’ve been that guy.
True faith, like the kind spoken by the Dad when he says he believes but he also needs help to believe, displays an honesty that we often lack.
I used to think we were supposed to, “Fake it till we make it.”
I don’t any more.
Honesty invites healing.
Jesus didn’t rebuke the guy, or ridicule him. He accepted his honesty and then healed his son.
Belief and unbelief. Trust and fear. Faith and doubt. I’m comfortable admitting these tensions coexist.
Faith that admits doubt… is stronger than faith that pretends it has none.
It's nice to know that I am not alone in my struggles. Every one always seems to have it so together while I don't. I used to think their was something wrong with me. Over the past couple of years God has shown me it is honest transparency and that it doesn't put Him off, it draws him near. He can work with that.
My Mom & I use to discuss this topic and she taught me to pray and ask God to help me with any of my unbelief. I have allowed Pastors in the pulpit who spoke that dought of any kind was a lack of unbelief and salvation. I appreciate your honesty in the writing, I too agree that they can both exist together. That's life, some seasons are full of Faith and someone's we go through seasons of dought. I know when someone shares their dought, I am quick to encourage Faith to them. So that tells me I believe.
God Bless.